Confessions in five steps
by disharmony
Summary: It takes five steps to overcome the pain and find the truth. Five steps to realize what's right in front of. When it's all said and done, you just have to learn to live with the consequences. CathSara
1. Step One

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, people would've probably stopped watching the show by now.

Archieving: Only with the permission of the author.

A/N: This story is my first in many ways. It's my first CSI fanfiction, my first fanfiction on and the first story Í have written in English (not counting the texts for my English class in school but I doubt you would want to read about the influence of soft-tourism on the profit of hotels in Austria's winter regions...)

That said, you may realize that a) English is not my first language and b) this story is possibly crap

I don't have a beta, but I would like one, provided that anyone wants to actually read the stuff my mind produces. Anyone offering?

Reviews would be great so I can improve my writing and because I'm curious what you think of my story...if you want me to beg, I will :)

Confessions in five steps

_Step 1: You walk down a street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You fall into it. You're lost and helpless; you have no idea what to do. It takes forever to find a way out._

* * *

Sometimes Sara wonders what Catherine is thinking; about her and their relationship and the fact that they've never moved past the stage of co-workers. But she only gets shreds of a truth she most likely doesn't want to know, if their latest fight was any indication. She tries to ignore the nagging feeling of Catherine watching her but doesn't succeed.

Catherine has been watching her a lot in the last few weeks, not to mention her strange behaviour when they were alone in one room or the fact that she was entirely too cheerful about the DB they had had to work together a few days ago. She doesn't have the faintest idea why Catherine seems to have taken such an interest in her but still doesn't talk to her unless it's absolutely inevitable.#

She would like to talk to someone about it, but she still doesn't feel save having a heart to heart with anyone at work. When she first came to Las Vegas, Grissom kept his distance, Catherine hated her guts, and the guys were civil at best. Now Grissom still keeps his distance but throws in an occasional comment about her beauty or her intelligence that comes out of nowhere and usually leaves her puzzled. The guys are friendly and at times very sweet, but she is much too different to them to ever fit in completely. And Catherine…she doesn't if Catherine still hates her or if she doesn't care or if they actually have a shot a friendship.

She is more confused than ever by the relationships she has tried to build with her colleagues, but she doesn't really have the time to dwell on it.

A jealous woman killing her fiancé with an axe for flirting with another woman younger than her. A sixteen year old boy beaten to death with baseball bats for making the mistake of coming out to his friends. A model strangled by her manager because she didn't want to pose naked. Rape, domestic violence, dead bodies, and always innocent people in the midst of it all. In short, it's been one hell of a week and she already has enough nightmares to last her a lifetime.

The constant voices of the victims in her head make her desperately wish for a drink or anything else that would cloud her mind like a few shots of Jack Daniels had done on several occasions. But she can't, won't drink and hearing the voices of the victims is better than hearing the voices of her parents, anyway.

A new case is a nice distraction and exactly what she needs. Halfway through the case file she knows most of the facts: a young boy, not much older than the girl, is the main suspect. He had to be taken down by the police after eye-witnesses had told the officers that they had seen him in a heated argument with the girl in the middle of the mall – only seconds later she was lying on the ground and he was nervously pacing, seemingly not paying attention to anyone around him.

She sighs loudly, the young age of the victim and the perp giving her a headache. A distraught Catherine rushing past her, agitatedly talking on her cell phone, makes her stop and wonder what has her co-worker so upset. Everything falls into place when her eyes finally find the name of the victim in the case file: Lindsey Willows.

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Thanks for reading! 


	2. Step Two

Disclaimer is in the first chapter.

EvieBee, csi7 and Amelia, thank you so much for your reviews. I'm still looking for a beta, anyone interested?

Confessions in five steps

_Step 2: You walk down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You act like you don't see it. You fall into it again. You can't believe you made the same mistake a second time. It still takes a long time to find a way out._

* * *

Life has a pretty fucked up sense of humour.

And Grissom is a dead man, Sara decides. As a CSI, she can pull it off without leaving evidence behind, and no one would suspect her, anyway. The rumours about the moody workaholic and the socially inept bug-freak having a relationship or at least one of them having a thing for the other still travel the hallways of the lab. She could probably get Catherine to help her, too. After all, she doesn't want her to work the case almost as much as Sara doesn't want to work the case herself.

_I messed up Eddie's case because I couldn't find the murder weapon, but this time it's different. Lindsey's not dead – apparently she is well enough to have a fight with her mother. And we know who attacked her. We have the victim, the perp, the evidence. Everything's going to work out._

She is in the hospital outside of Lindsey's room, desperately trying not to throw up. She hates hospitals for more than one reason, one of them being her parents. The smell makes her sick so she tries to hold her breath but after a few minutes her head is spinning and she resorts to looking for another distraction. Anything to take her mind off the memories hospitals bring with them.

Even though she has no intention of eavesdropping, the loud voices coming from the room make it impossible not to hear what mother and daughter are arguing about and now she at least has something to concentrate on.

Catherine and her daughter are engaged in a rather loud discussion about the "accident" as Lindsey calls it. Her version of the incident is much different to the story of the "assault" the eye-witnesses have told, but Catherine doesn't seem want to hear any of it. If Sara had to guess, she'd say that Catherine was busy fighting the urge to kill the boy who had harmed her little angel.

She is so lost in her own thoughts about the case and Catherine that she doesn't realize that the voices have died down. In fact, it's completely quiet in the room, and Sara wonders if it's okay for her to go inside and ask Lindsey some questions. When she turns around to knock on the door she is suddenly faced with a pissed of Catherine.

"Gil gave you my daughter's case?"

"Yes." _Short answers are good. At least that way I can't say anything wrong._

"Yes? That's all you have to say?"

_Okay, maybe short answers are__ a bad idea. _"Yes, I am working your daughter's case."

"Did you question the perp yet?"

"No, I wanted to ask Lindsey some questions first."

"My daughter needs sleep."

"I understand that Catherine, but I really need…"

"I want in."

"In?"

"On the interview."

"Cath, that's not…"

"Listen, I don't agree with Gil's decision."

"His decision?"

"To give you this case."

"Oh."

"I wanted someone else to work the case but he said no. So now I'm asking you to give your best. I'm asking you not to mess this up."

"You already asked him about it? But when…"

"I want in on the interview."

"No." _So help me god, she can't question my skills as a CSI and then expect me to break the rules for her._

"Sara, I'm going to say this one more time…"

"Mom? What happened? Why are you shouting at Sara?" _Great timing, girl._

"I didn't shout, we were just having a disagreement. No come on, back to bed sweety." With one last glance at Sara that clearly says "this is not over yet" Catherine drags her tired daughter back into the room.

* * *

The perp's name is David and he doesn't seem the most outgoing type. The interrogation doesn't take long, as he immediately confesses to everything he's accused of, which is just about the only thing he has to say. But Lindsey's protest that it was a simple accident and that David didn't want to hurt her is still fresh in her mind and she wonders if maybe the boy has been a victim of a crime himself at some point of time.

Catherine is still at the hospital, something she is eternally grateful for. How is she supposed to explain to her why she hasn't closed the case yet? _I'm sorry Catherine, but there's something about this boy that makes me feel connected to him. I think I believe Lindsey when she says that he didn't deliberately set out to hurt her. Yeah, that'll go over well…_

She is not sure what to believe, but she knows she can't close the case without having the whole story. She is still not allowed to talk to Lindsey and compared to David a monk would be considered talkative. There is nothing she can do except wait and maybe hide, because Catherine will be back from the hospital eventually and she'd rather avoid that particular encounter.

She finds one of the labs empty and sits down to re-read the statements of the witnesses, her mind drifting off to the little girl lying in a hospital room when she is startled by a voice calling her name.

"Hey Greg, sorry, I was just…"

"Going over the case file again? I've been calling your name for a few minutes now, you really seemed deep in thought. Anything you want talk about with me?"

"No, it's just…it's Catherine and Lindsey and David and me and I just can't…"

"I understand."

"No. No, I don't think you do. There are things that you don't know about, things concerning my childhood, my parents. It's all part of me and I would really like to explain but I can't and I think that the guy that attacked Lindsey is just like me…but how can I tell Catherine I won't close the case just yet when I can't give her one single reason for this decision? And why do I care so much about what she thinks, anyway? She hates me for heaven's sake!"

"Do you want me to kick Catherine's butt for you? Because I would. I'd be scared as hell, but I would. She was out of line at the hospital."

"How the hell did you…? Never mind, I don't think I want to know."

"I have my ways to get information."

"I'm sure you do. But don't tell anyone Cath dressed me down…part of what she said was true."

"Okay, that's it. Come here."

"Greg, I don't do hugs."

"No, you didn't do hugs. But I'm your friend and I have to tell you that the last few days have been hard on you. Hence, the desperate need for hugs."

"Thanks, Greg."

"You can tell her, you know. Maybe you wouldn't fight so much if you explained it to her."

"What makes you think that I'd tell her something no one else knows?"

"The fact that she's the most trustworthy person I know. Except for you, of course."

"I do trust her. I trust her with my life. Just not with the story of it."

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Thank you for reading.


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